20 Funny Life Quotes

1. "Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." (Charles Bukowski) Click to tweet

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2. "Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." (Kurt Vonnegut) Click to tweet

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3. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and i’m not sure about the universe." (Albert Einstein) Click to tweet

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4. "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt." (Charles Schultz) Click to tweet

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5. "Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer." (Ellen DeGeneres) Click to tweet

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6. "All generalizations are false, including this one." (Mark Twain) Click to tweet

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7. "When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear." (Mark Twain) Click to tweet

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8. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye." (Cathy Guisewite) Click to tweet

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9. "Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." (William Goldman) Click to tweet

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10. "A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: she changes it more often." (Oliver Herford) Click to tweet

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11. "I can resist everything except temptation." (Oscar Wilde) Click to tweet

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12. "The planet is fine. The people are fucked." (George Carlin) Click to tweet

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13. "The reason i talk to myself is because i’m the only one whose answers i accept." (George Carlin) Click to tweet

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14. "I love deadlines, i like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." (Douglas Adams) Click to tweet

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15. "Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright." (Laurell K. Hamilton) Click to tweet

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16. "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." (Robert A. Heinlein) Click to tweet

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17. "If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out." (Lawrence Ferlinghetti) Click to tweet

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18. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." (Jim Carrey) Click to tweet

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19. "If life is a video game, the graphics are great, but the plot is confusing and the tutorial is way too long." (Elon Musk) Click to tweet

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20. "What a kid i got, i told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife." (Rodney Dangerfield) Click to tweet

Note: Inspiring Life Quotes That Will Move You (Deeply)